Pradyumna, our 2.5 year old son is not so picky about what he eats, unlike like most 2.5 year old are. He likes most of the things that Ranjini or my mother serve for lunch or dinner.Pradyumna is now developing a certain affinity to the screen and can happily be glued to the telly or the laptop for hours.
Samiksha, our eight year old loves art projects. She draws and paints and cuts paper and sticksthings together. She doesn’t like the cleanup part,staying away from the telly though, and will often get quite upset during that part.Samiksha also doesn’t like going to bed in time or eating her veggies either. She thinks she should stay up quite a bit later than she does and eat selective vegetables and often ensures that we know about it through lots of grumbling before mealtime and bedtime.
Each of them have strong impulsive desires. There are things that they should be doing and there are things that they want to be doing. When these things don’t overlap, it becomes very difficult very quickly. Fortunately, Ranjini reads these signs much better than I and therefore the situation is normally well under control
They want to justify doing the things they want to do and, at the same time, justify not doing the things they don’t want to do. Both Samiksha and Pradyumna eventually do what we want them to do.
In other words, they understand that doing the thing that isn’t enjoyable and they’re often driven by impulse, and that impulse almost always steers them to whatever choice is most enjoyable at that time
I understand that impulse.Do I deeply understand it?
Even now, it’s sometimes tempting to spend money with reckless abandon on whatever it is I want (although not always for myself) at the moment. Why would I otherwise buy 3000 rubber bands for my daughter or a 100+ Staedtler pencils(of course Tesco had an unbelievable markdown) or the two Hornby Train sets. It’s tempting to skip out on cycling on the weekends or to eat a tasty but unhealthy meal. It’s tempting to put down a challenging but thought-provoking book and pick up a page-turner(took me more than half a dozen attempts before I could get to the back cover of Dr Taleb's 'Black Swan'. It’s tempting to not “bank” some articles for the career upskill and instead follow near and not so near ones on fb or whatsapp
That impulse is the exact same thing I see on the face of my children when they’re caught between a good choice versus a happy choice. I know that they’re shaping up to what it takes to be a mature and hopefully rational person who can control their urges– but they’re still kids - well their dad is one too..
I’m an adult, of course, but that child is still alive inside of me.Some say conclusively that you try to do as an adult what you couldn't achieve in your childhood. Childhood deprivation is also attributed to this. I had a good childhood with our parents always trying to get us what we deserved in those technology starved days. The friend network was stronger which meant access to a friend's Atari or Nintendo,Archie Digests,tonnes of Amar Chitra Kathas and the never ending inflow of Russian publications that made their way to our home.One of the sadder part of growing up being Navakarnataka publications no longer have anything to do with Moscow. Even now, it’s that child that shouts at me to do whatever it is that’s most fun in the near term without thinking about the future.That explains my rather careless spending on all matters philately, expensive entries to museums and a general splurge on travel.I have temporarily fixed the latter urge by getting myself a yearly membership to the National Trust that allows me free entry to conserved properties across the UK. Is it worth? Probably not as I would not be able to distinguish between two noblemen from the Victorian era whose lavish lifestyles I pay to see in the form of conserved mansions,estates etc. It is this inner child that pushes me to spend money,sometimes needlessly because I’ll enjoy whatever I buy now.Did I tell you that I am, these days scourging sunday markets and car boot sales these days trying to find a bargain Kodak Vest Camera that was also called the soldiers' camera from the 1913-1920 war era. Can I leave without it? Absolutely!!
I am well aware that these pursuits could all be worthless and only a self reminder of containing such impulses can help.Sometimes, I listen to that inner child. It can be fun and very soul satisfying. That inner child is impulsive and he’s going to lead me toward something that’s enjoyable right now. Hopefully the adult in me knows that I’m going to listen often and has prepared a budget that allows for some “free spending” once in a while
So, over the years I have learnt that never, ever shut out that urge to spend/buy. Instead, learn when you can listen to that impulse and know what you can do in advance to make some impulsiveness possible.Hopefully I listen to the inner call :-)
